Motherhood

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 A mother is not born the day a child is born. Motherhood is a continuous process which happens each and every passing minute after a child is born. I was never ready to be a mom. I always feared that i will be a bad mom, what if i am not a good mom, what if i am not able to do right by my child. I was shit scared, so i never was ready-ready. But our conservative Indian society would never had allowed me to not be a mom. And my husband too loved kids, so i finally decided to go through this journey keeping my fears aside.

My pregnancy and delivery both were not a smooth journey but yet it was never grueling too like many mothers have to go through. I was blessed to have a healthy baby at the end. But did the motherhood magic wand just swept over me as soon i gave birth, No its all a lie, nothing like this happens, some moms can have more motherly instincts and maybe good with kids from day 1 but no magic happens from day 1.

Motherhood is a constant battle of choosing what good and whats bad for your child each and every single day, mostly the mothers instincts are right and i would suggest all mothers to follow that. But world is full of judgement, criticism and advice for new moms that makes the whole process of being a new mom tiresome. For me advise came from all possible sides, parents, non-parents, neighbors, relatives, it will look like whole world knows how to raise a child except you. It was exhausting and never ending.

After almost 4 years into this journey of motherhood, all i can say is i am not a bad mom, neither i am the best mom in this world. Whatever i am, i am good enough for my child, i have stopped trying to be a perfect mother. All i know is i want to be there for my child when he needs me. He should feel loved and nurtured in his home and should be able to speak his heart out to me any day. 

And for me, I am getting there slowly, the magic wand has still not swept over, but i guess a magic potion is slowly working upon me which consists of my son's smile, laughter, naughtiness, manipulative and unreasonable demands and last but not the least the love which he showers upon according to his mood and availability.

- Love is not just saying "I Love You", Love is practicing it everyday!!!

 


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