Close to Heart

They say forgiveness is a choice!!! A difficult one definitely!!! Firstly, why is forgiveness important? If we don't forgive people that have hurt us and don't let go of the unpleasant memories, if you hold on to the anger towards people or events of your life which turned out in a certain way, you will gradually become a bitter person. I am saying this with confidence because i have been through this personally. The anger, resentment i had build up inside me from ages over people and certain events of my life, i had really lost my own self along the way. And it was after months of therapy, reading self help books, listening to podcasts and audio books, doing a full retrospective of my entire life till now, i came to realize that this bitterness does not only harm you but even your future generations. And that is what really made me stop, out off all the things i wanted my son to inherit from me, the bitterness, anger, resentment i had within me was the last of things i wanted ...

 A mother is not born the day a child is born. Motherhood is a continuous process which happens each and every passing minute after a child is born. I was never ready to be a mom. I always feared that i will be a bad mom, what if i am not a good mom, what if i am not able to do right by my child. I was shit scared, so i never was ready-ready. But our conservative Indian society would never had allowed me to not be a mom. And my husband too loved kids, so i finally decided to go through this journey keeping my fears aside. My pregnancy and delivery both were not a smooth journey but yet it was never grueling too like many mothers have to go through. I was blessed to have a healthy baby at the end. But did the motherhood magic wand just swept over me as soon i gave birth, No its all a lie, nothing like this happens, some moms can have more motherly instincts and maybe good with kids from day 1 but no magic happens from day 1. Motherhood is a constant battle of choosing what good and ...

After battling with depression and anxiety for more than a year now, i decided to finally open up and write about it.  I had a history of child abuse, i was around 9 or 10 years old, there was not one episode or one person, but there were many. I always knew deep down in my heart that what happened was none of my mistake and i never felt ashamed because of my past. But i never talked about it also to anyone for a really long time. So overall i had a fair childhood, teenage years and sound college life. I had done fairly good in personal and professional life too. Eventually got married and had a son too. It was after my son was 2 years, i started having frequent outbursts, filled with anger most of the times and sometimes emotional. It was not that it was happening for the first time, i always had these episodes happening now and then, but i would always justify them in my mind, always find a way to put blame on someone or something. And one day when i could not blame anyone but my...