Forgiveness is a choice!!!
They say forgiveness is a choice!!! A difficult one definitely!!!
Firstly, why is forgiveness important? If we don't forgive people that have hurt us and don't let go of the unpleasant memories, if you hold on to the anger towards people or events of your life which turned out in a certain way, you will gradually become a bitter person.
I am saying this with confidence because i have been through this personally. The anger, resentment i had build up inside me from ages over people and certain events of my life, i had really lost my own self along the way.
And it was after months of therapy, reading self help books, listening to podcasts and audio books, doing a full retrospective of my entire life till now, i came to realize that this bitterness does not only harm you but even your future generations. And that is what really made me stop, out off all the things i wanted my son to inherit from me, the bitterness, anger, resentment i had within me was the last of things i wanted him to have.
Yes, bitterness can be inherited, from generations to generations. So take a pause and think your life in retrospective. Do you need to pass this to next generation?
They say forgiveness is not for others its for you own well being, but is it really that easy to forgive someone? The most easy thing would be the person who has done wrong by you would come and apologize, just say the simple words "I am Sorry", and you should be able to forgive them. Right? No, it not that simple, why?
The foremost reason, the person doesn't know that they have hurt you. they have no clue what you have been feeling. so should we go back to each and every person and convey our feelings? I have tried this few times and this doesn't work, you end up being more hurt.
The person comes to you and says sorry, does that change the equation? Not really.. the hurt, the anger, the resentment you have held within you would not disappear by a simple sorry.
First identify the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. You don't need to go to someone and reconcile to actually able to forgive them, this will save you a lot of hurt.
I read this quote on a friend blogs who also happens to be a Psychiatrist by profession, and it made sense so will quote here again:
So what worked for me? I wrote down every incident of my life to which i was really hung upon. These were incidents which i was not able to shut down from my mind. I wrote them down and read to my therapist, my therapist says iterate over the events that have hurt you, once you write them down it flows out of you, your mind, your sub-conscious out on a paper, then read it out loud, to anyone who would listen, just listen, without any prejudice, any advise, any judgement.
Does this help? It really helped me, every time i sat in the therapist office and read out things, it felt like a weight was lifted off my chest, a burden which i had been carrying around for ages was finally gone.
I am not sure if it will work out for everyone, but no harm in giving it a try. There will be incidents or people who will not ease out from you memory just by writing and reading out, for them the PITY or SUPERIORITY quote should work out. Try to transfer you anger into these emotions over the time and definitely with time you should feel certain relief.
Firstly, why is forgiveness important? If we don't forgive people that have hurt us and don't let go of the unpleasant memories, if you hold on to the anger towards people or events of your life which turned out in a certain way, you will gradually become a bitter person.
I am saying this with confidence because i have been through this personally. The anger, resentment i had build up inside me from ages over people and certain events of my life, i had really lost my own self along the way.
And it was after months of therapy, reading self help books, listening to podcasts and audio books, doing a full retrospective of my entire life till now, i came to realize that this bitterness does not only harm you but even your future generations. And that is what really made me stop, out off all the things i wanted my son to inherit from me, the bitterness, anger, resentment i had within me was the last of things i wanted him to have.
Yes, bitterness can be inherited, from generations to generations. So take a pause and think your life in retrospective. Do you need to pass this to next generation?
They say forgiveness is not for others its for you own well being, but is it really that easy to forgive someone? The most easy thing would be the person who has done wrong by you would come and apologize, just say the simple words "I am Sorry", and you should be able to forgive them. Right? No, it not that simple, why?
The foremost reason, the person doesn't know that they have hurt you. they have no clue what you have been feeling. so should we go back to each and every person and convey our feelings? I have tried this few times and this doesn't work, you end up being more hurt.
The person comes to you and says sorry, does that change the equation? Not really.. the hurt, the anger, the resentment you have held within you would not disappear by a simple sorry.
First identify the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. You don't need to go to someone and reconcile to actually able to forgive them, this will save you a lot of hurt.
I read this quote on a friend blogs who also happens to be a Psychiatrist by profession, and it made sense so will quote here again:
Out of the textbook options of dealing with anger emotionally, I am quoting the two most successful and easy ways of dealing with the emotion of anger- transforming the anger into "PITY (daya)" or "SUPERIORITY (badappan)"
Anger can be transformed into these 2 emotions- the ones that are stronger than anger. The moment you feel pity for someone for being so damaged that they go around destroying others or the moment you decide to be the bigger person and not stoop to the level of aggressor, your emotion of anger settles down in your head.
But mind you, this transformation requires a very matured emotional and cognitive processing of the situation and comes only by regular practice. It still isnt easy but often helps to shut down the unclosed chapters of life that can keep haunting us for years and keep influencing our future and its direction.
So what worked for me? I wrote down every incident of my life to which i was really hung upon. These were incidents which i was not able to shut down from my mind. I wrote them down and read to my therapist, my therapist says iterate over the events that have hurt you, once you write them down it flows out of you, your mind, your sub-conscious out on a paper, then read it out loud, to anyone who would listen, just listen, without any prejudice, any advise, any judgement.
Does this help? It really helped me, every time i sat in the therapist office and read out things, it felt like a weight was lifted off my chest, a burden which i had been carrying around for ages was finally gone.
I am not sure if it will work out for everyone, but no harm in giving it a try. There will be incidents or people who will not ease out from you memory just by writing and reading out, for them the PITY or SUPERIORITY quote should work out. Try to transfer you anger into these emotions over the time and definitely with time you should feel certain relief.
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